Anyway, because Christmas—or rather, because there is a dearth of LGBTQ+ holiday TV movies this year—I decided to check out The Holiday Exchange, which re-teams two of the stars from Shoulder Dance as two rich, attractive gay men who exchange houses when faced with the prospect of spending the holidays single, which, in the world of TV Christmas movies, is tantamount to a pancreatic cancer diagnosis.
In Los Angeles, we
have Wilde, played by Taylor Frey, who has recently broken up with his actor/screenwriter boyfriend Sean.
Across the pond, Oliver, played by Rick Cosnett, a well-mannered and well-off
divorce attorney, has just found out that the man he hoped to spend the
holidays with has other plans that pointedly don’t include him. Fortunately, there’s an
app to the rescue: Grindr mister B&B. Wilde treats
himself to a holiday vacation, and rents Oliver’s cozy manor house in the
fictional Brilfax. After a quick FaceTime call, Oliver decides to rent Wilde’s garish
Los Angeles mansion. Wilde’s U.K. vacation is interrupted by Oliver’s movie
actor cousin Henry (Daniel Garcia), who shows up needing a place to stay after the
pipes at his house freeze. Oliver, on the other hand, ingratiates himself with self-help
author Julius (Samer Salem) at a book signing. Low-key conflicts arise (Julius
is butt-hurt when he learns Oliver is a divorce attorney; Wilde jumps to
conclusions when he sees Henry at a pub with another man), but love, Christmas,
etcetera.
I promised myself going in that I would give The Holiday Exchange a chance, even though it is directed by Jake Helgren. There’s a scene early on, when Wilde’s ex Sean (Kyle Dean Massey) shows up to discuss their breakup, that has the expected energy of holiday rom-com, as does a later scene featuring Ashley Fink as a spunky bookstore manager. But these moments are mere teaspoons of rum in a what is otherwise a full glass of egg slog. Most attempts at humor fall flat, such as Wilde being locked out of Oliver’s house after a snowstorm, wearing just a scarf and plaid boxer shorts, his motivation for going outside in the first place not readily apparent. Some actors, such as Kyle Richards (as Wilde’s overly supportive mom Lola) and Camila Banus (as Julius’s publicist/friend Naomi), deliver sit-com style performances, talking really fast and loudly, with nothing funny to say. Richards’ performance in particular leaves the impression that Lola is the type of mom who tried to bond with her son by sharing her cocaine.
The Holiday Exchange is more concerned with the rom than the com, anyway, but even there it falters. Cosnett’s Oliver is blandly charming and there is some chemistry between him and Salem, but Frey’s Wilde is spoiled and smug to the point that I was more invested in him getting punched in the face than kissed. However, this holiday lump of coal isn’t entirely Helgren’s fault. He didn’t write this fucker, his leading man Frey did. However, characters doing an ad read for mister B&B? That has Jake Helgren all over it.
*Thiel has a husband, BTW, though being married isn’t the same as being capable of love, so that question remains unanswered.
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